i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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