I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
