I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
