I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
