she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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