you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
