i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
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