you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
