I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
