So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
