She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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