The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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