Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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