hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
