Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
