WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize