Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
