so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
