Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
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