so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
