Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
