i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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