Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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