I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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