If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
