Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
