remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
