if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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