just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
it's like iHOP with fire
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
