If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
