Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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