We're facebook friends in real life
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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