took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
