ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
