the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
