Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
