Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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