this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
