How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize