we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
