Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
