Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
