totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
