I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
