i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
