i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
