I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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