Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
