I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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