you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
