What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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