whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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