Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
