I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
