Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
