i already hear my dad disowning me
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
That accounts for only three of the penises
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
